Dear Becky, Ask Hard Questions...
Hey friend! How are you? How are you really? I know people ask you that question and we both know most of them aren’t looking for the real answer, but I am. I really want to know. Anyhow, it was great to run into you today. You look good in spite of your failing thyroid. And those glasses...girl, when did you get those? You is cuuuute!
When I saw you, it looked like you where having a rough go this morning. Parenthood can make a girl feel like a modern day Nehemiah, amirite?! At any rate, you looked a little ragged and I had a few things I was too scared to say to you in the moment. I thought maybe if I wrote them out, perhaps I’d have more courage to send it. So here goes…
I see you, Friend. Adulting is hard. Hell...everyday the hits just keep coming. Do you know that you don’t have to tackle everything at once? One thing at a time is good enough. And that weight you carry when your kids where acting a fool...lay it down, Friend. I know you sometimes you think other families don’t have the same struggles, but they do. Stop letting false pretenses get to you. Stop worrying about the way things “should be” and just be.
You may have forgotten, but I sat in the mommy groups too. I did the parenting workshops, read the books, and listened to it all paint pictures of how to do better/be better, but guess what?... Chaos still abides in my house too. As helpful these resources can be, sometimes they can do more harm that good, you know? Friend, be careful not to let those resources reinforce your idealized images. No book or expert can tell you what your life “should” look like. It’s the way you make space for God in the mess is that makes your life beautiful. You see, I’m walking through the wilderness too. Money is tight. Shit keeps breaking. You know. You’re living it too.
But here’s what I really wanted to say but was too scared...
I know you wake every morning to the sound of your soul groaning--turning flips within you for something more than this! You’re thirsty for authenticity, aren’t you? I know because I am too. And every time you darken the door of a church, you walk away wrestling with the truth you’ve known intertwined with false pretenses. What do you do with that? Truth is, friend, I don’t know. I wish I had the answers for you. All I can say is this. Don’t give up. Ask the hard questions. Real truth is neither shaken, nor threatened by your all your wrestling. No...real truth encourages it, because it knows that once you’ve been touched by it, you’ll never walk the same. Be watchful for false truths, though, they can be really convincing, but trust me….when the storm hits they’ll fold.
Lastly, don’t forget, I’m here for you. You can ask me all the questions. I can listen...and I won’t get bored. I won’t stop being friends if you decide to change churches or stop going altogether. I will stick with you through your questions, your doubts, and when we don’t see eye to eye. We can walk this out together...in community. Isn’t that what’s really missing? Could it be that the model of “church” we’ve always known is shifting? Maybe that’s why so little of life is felt there now?...perhaps. Whatever the case, keep your eyes on the horizon friend. And if no one else tells you today...You’re kicking some major ass whether you feel like it or not! I’m sure I’ll have more to say, but for now...just know I’m with you.
Thick as Thieves, Becky!